Friday Videos: Armitage and Kittens!

Nothing cheers me up like a fabulous video, my people, and today, you get THREE!

Richard Armitage Shills
Usually, I don't like it when celebrities whore themselves out to corporations, for a whole host of reasons, like "Don't you motherfuckers make enough money already?" and "Aren't you supposed to be obnoxiously idealistic about your little 'artistic integrity' or some shit?"

But in the case of Richard Armitage, I'm willing to make an exception. Listen and melt, kidz. Listen and melt.

Le sigh.

Richard Armitage Chills
Do you see how I did that? I made the headings rhyme! WHOA!

So some of the pictures in this fanvid are a little ooky, but OHMEHGAWD that voice! Yes, please, Richard Armitage, do read me a Ted Hughes poem! *flutters fan* *clutches smelling salts*

I'll give you a moment to recover.

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Are you ready? Okay, now it's TOTALLY ANERABLE KITTEH TIME!

Kitteh Locates Hole in Space-Time Continuum

On THAT note, have a fabby weekend. Do lots of things I wouldn't do. And holla back on Monday.

World Cup. Oil Spill. Justin Bieber. The Usual.

Happy Wednesday, peeps! You can tell it's Wednesday by the heavy sense of ennui that enveloped you when you realized it wasn't Friday. But Wednesday it is, and Wednesday it must be! Pip pip!

The Daily Show on the World Cup
When last we spoke, we waxed poetic about the World Cup. FUN! You know who else has been talking about the World Cup? Jon Stewart and John Oliver, that's who!

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	Mon - Thurs 11p / 10c
World Cup 2010: Into Africa - US Ties England
www.thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Political Humor Tea Party

Um, yeah. I'm so sorry, Mr. Oliver, but it's definitely a win for the U.S. Observe this formula, which the New York Post totally gets:

(U.S. * doesn't care) + 1 > (England * absolutely wetting themselves over this) + 1

Thanks. Yes, thank you very much. I'm doing imaginary math here all week, folks.

Oil Spills and Spills and Spills
Last time, I promised you an update on the U.K.'s international mortification due to BP's having brought shame on the family. Tragically, I cannot deliver. To wit:

"When you consider the huge exposure of British pension funds and the vital importance of BP . . . it is of great concern when a national company is being repeatedly beaten down over the airwaves.

"I do think there's something slightly worrying about the anti-British rhetoric that's permeating from America.

"It was an accident that took place. BP I think is paying a very very heavy price indeed."

London mayor Boris Johnson, ladies and gentlemen. (From politics.co.uk.)

An accident? To be clear, Mr. Johnson, BP chose to pay fines on over 700 safety violations over the past decade or so rather than follow safety codes. The numbers of safety fines paid by other oil giants? Under ten each. W T EFFING EFF, dudes?

Nevertheless, BP's doucheyness is not actually England's fault, just as Justin Bieber's hair is not actually Canada's fault.

Justin Bieber, starring Justin Bieber's Hair

Speaking of the Biebs, Lesbians Who Look Like Justin Bieber is basically the best novelty website ever. Check it out. You can thank me later.

The Queen Is Old as F***

Hey, lovers of all things nonsensical and/or Angloriffic! Anglotastic has been on holiday, but is now back and bettah than evah, clean slate and all! Your friendly Anglophile will be here to dish dirt every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so strap in. Here we go!

The Queen Is Old as F***
Queenie rocked an official celebration of her eight hundred seventy-seventh (okay, 84th) birthday on Saturday with golden geese who poop Empire Coins, which Mario and Luigi use to reclaim the British realm.

Just kidding!

What really happened was a bunch of silly pomp and circumstance featuring 1,400 soldiers who had nothing better to do, apparently, plus a carriage first used by Queen Victoria (who was totally a werewolf, but that's another story) in 1842.

Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her 84th birthday with soldiers, horses, and a silly hat.

"Thank Jeebus for silly hats!" sigh Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice at the Queen's birthday celebration.

Did I mention that the Queen recently asked for a raise in her pocket money to the tune of £6 million? No? Well, she did. You know, as you do during a global recession.

England Leads US in World Cup Game, Then Politely Offers to Go Splitsies
As you may know, England's goalkeeper, one Robert Green, is calling in sick to life for the foreseeable future, having handed a goal to the US during the Epic! Fight! To the Death! of the US-UK World Cup match. This is too bad, because while England cares about this very, very much, the US cares about it practically not at all, due to its determined preference for Amerkin sports like baseball and consuming high-fructose corn syrup. (And that's too bad, because soccer players are fit. Also, they take their shirts off a lot.)

England's World Cup footballers. What what!

Birthdays having been celebrated and soccer having been played, we can only presume the country is going to return to being mortified by their association with BP now. To find out, tune in next time!