Hey, lovers of all things nonsensical and/or Angloriffic! Anglotastic has been on holiday, but is now back and bettah than evah, clean slate and all! Your friendly Anglophile will be here to dish dirt every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, so strap in. Here we go!
The Queen Is Old as F***
Queenie rocked an official celebration of her eight hundred seventy-seventh (okay, 84th) birthday on Saturday with golden geese who poop Empire Coins, which Mario and Luigi use to reclaim the British realm.
Just kidding!
What really happened was a bunch of silly pomp and circumstance featuring 1,400 soldiers who had nothing better to do, apparently, plus a carriage first used by Queen Victoria (who was totally a werewolf, but that's another story) in 1842.
Queen Elizabeth II celebrates her 84th birthday with soldiers, horses, and a silly hat.
"Thank Jeebus for silly hats!" sigh Princess Eugenie and Princess Beatrice at the Queen's birthday celebration.
Did I mention that the Queen recently asked for a raise in her pocket money to the tune of £6 million? No? Well, she did. You know, as you do during a global recession.
England Leads US in World Cup Game, Then Politely Offers to Go Splitsies
As you may know, England's goalkeeper, one Robert Green, is calling in sick to life for the foreseeable future, having handed a goal to the US during the Epic! Fight! To the Death! of the US-UK World Cup match. This is too bad, because while England cares about this very, very much, the US cares about it practically not at all, due to its determined preference for Amerkin sports like baseball and consuming high-fructose corn syrup. (And that's too bad, because soccer players are fit. Also, they take their shirts off a lot.)
England's World Cup footballers. What what!
Birthdays having been celebrated and soccer having been played, we can only presume the country is going to return to being mortified by their association with BP now. To find out, tune in next time!
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